A bad dream.

I had a bad dream last night, which woke me up in tears.

I remembered feeling very hurt, very disappointed. Even when I have been jostled awake, I couldn't stop crying because it felt so raw, so real, so painful. I actually felt my heart aching.

Perhaps it's the recent spate of events and subconscious thoughts and fears that inspired the dream. Admittedly, my thoughts have been a little wild of late.

This dream reaffirmed something - that he really matters alot to me.

When you allow someone access into the deepest vault of your heart, it can render you totally vulnerable and defenceless. I'm scared. What have I gotten myself into?

Ever had this feeling?

Some days, you feel things are going alright - the way you want it to be. Doubtless about what life is all about. You feel light, contended, and happy.

Some days, you feel otherwise. That's when you feel maybe things aren't that right afterall. You feel lost, confused, and unhappy.

The latter's how I'm feeling right now.

Mood swing perhaps?
(My menstruation has just ended - does it explained?)

暧昧

SDD 昨晚和我在闲聊暧昧关系。暗恋和暧昧 - 哪一个比较痛苦？



暧昧是：

彼此有感觉，然而，这种感觉不足以叫你们切切实实的发展一段正式的关系。

比好朋友再亲一点，但比情人远一点。

有进一步的冲动，却没有进一步的勇气。

一方永远不说，另一方就永远装作不懂。于是一方永远沉默，一方永远装傻。

常常挣扎彼此关系，你怕透明化之后，你既得不到一个情人，却又失去了一个知心好友。

两个人都会互相猜度，她是不是已经暗示了甚么？我是不是自作多情。

What Hurts the Most?

Have you ever thought about what hurts the most?

I thought about it.

Betrayal really hurts but I guess, this hurts even more:

What hurts the most, was being so close.
And never knowin' what could've been.

What hurts the most, is being so close.
And watchin' you walk away.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Were there times you just don't feel like seeing or talking to someone? Maybe a little of what some would termed the "cold shoulder".

Not that you hated the person or behaved that way deliberately but simply, for some reasons (which I don't feel like analysing), you just want to be cut off from this person. I don't know if this is going to be temporary or permanent but at least for now, that's how I want things to be.

They always say, out of sight out of mind. Perhaps, it makes me a little less unhappy being out of touch with this person?

Maybe.