A disturbing evening.

Crows Calling
Cover Illustration, Crows Calling magazine

Something I witnessed last evening rendered me disturbed.

Two crows were aggressive to passerbys and even the feral cats. My malay neighbour had to shield herself with an umbrella (my mum thought she looked really comical carrying the umbrella with no sun and no rain) while trying to bring the cat away from the irritated crows. My brother who was heading for his car was also not spared - I think he was almost pecked - this got my mum upset, naturally because her son was "attacked". She wanted me to report the aggressive crows so something could be done. I threw her the unbelievable look and asked her if this was how buddhists should behave and said she could call herself because I will not.

I explained to her the possibility of the birds' behaviour - that they had their nest/offsprings somewhere close and they were displaying natural behavior - like how my mum got upset when my brother was "attacked" - the birds were merely trying to protect their family. Birds and animals are not like human - they do not usually attack for other reasons except to defend and for survival.

Someone apparently did call the authorities and a few men with brooms came and spotted a tree with the crows' nest. I was told (by mum) they removed the nest (I don't know what they did to it). I don't know if this was the best solution in an urban city.

All I felt at that point was sadness. I felt very sorry for the innocent little birds who came to this ugly world. I feel sorry for their parents who tried their best to protect them and still lost them - I believe the birds are capable of grief. I wish there was a better solution.

It was a disturbing evening.

Find Yourself.

This is a beautiful song from the animation film - Cars. The lyrics got my attention - I think they are written meaningfully.

"We go through life so sure of where we're heading, and then we wind up lost, and it's the best thing that could happen. Sometimes when you lose your way, it's really just as well. Because you find yourself; Yeah that's when you find yourself."

At 30, I have to admit I'm not sure if I had found myself. Sometimes I think I have but most times, I feel lost and unsure of my direction. Perhaps the fact that I'm alone now makes me feel more lost than ever.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Recent famous deaths include veteran actor and philanthropist Paul Newman (I just saw "Cars" in which he voiced Doc Hudson) and veteran opposition and lawyer, Mr JB Jeyaretnam. Heath Ledger came to my mind too - he was only 28 when he left this world. The possibility of having no tomorrow can happen to anyone - for death does not discriminate.

I can't help but feel melancholic at this point, that life is really fragile and unpredictable. If I had a choice, would I want to know when my last day on earth would be? I guess I wouldn't want to. I'd rather live each day hoping for tomorrow than survive each day counting down to the day with no tomorrow. What about you? Do you want to know when tomorrow never comes?



Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes